The Mother of All Addictions
by Bob Mandel
Issue: Volume 8, Number 6. November/December 1996

It is very fashionable these days to get out of denial and tell the truth about our addictions. While such confessions are obviously healthy and a clear step on the road to recovery, there is a deeper addiction that most people avoid looking at altogether. It is popular to observe our substance addictions, be they drugs, alcohol, sugar or caffeine. It is common practice to notice our behavior addictions, be they compulsive sex, money, lying or cheating. It is even fairly normal to be aware of mental addictions, such as struggle, helplessness, competition, guilt or punishment. Then there are our addictions to emotions, be they anger, sadness, fear, resentment or depression. And, of course, we are all addicted to dysfunctional relationships, be they in our families, at work or with friends and lovers. But why is it that people so often heal one addiction only to transfer their compulsive needs to a new object of desire. You give up smoking, your addiction to anger emerges. You give up alcohol, you long for caffeine. You let go of coffee, you become obsessed with sex. And so you seem to go through life transferring your needs from one object of desire to another, never really healing the underlying obsession. The mother of all addictions is the addiction to separation and the emptiness within that is the consequence. When you believe that you are separate from God, you become dissociated from your true God-self and you live in a state of spiritual denial. The result is a deep, insatiable emptiness which you attempt to fill up with all these addictions, none of which does the job because you have not released the underlying problem. It is said that we look for love in all the wrong places. So it is that we attempt to fill up the emptiness within with sex, drugs, rock 'n roll, money, conquest, alcohol and fancy cars. But the more we acquire, the more our emptiness becomes exaggerated. The truth is, the love we are seeking can never come from all the substitutes we transfer our needs to. Not even the substitution of another person loving us does the job. The reason is simple. When we are divorced from our God-selves, we are separated from the very source of love that can fill up the emptiness inside. So even the love of another person is inadequate. There is no substitute for God's love. No addiction can create the lasting happiness, peace and passion of the love of God. Yet the cheap thrills we experience from all of our addictions, the rush of energy from junk food, junk emotions and junk bonds can give us the temporary illusion of true success. But the morning after we wake up with that same old empty feeling in our gut. In the end it is only by healing our addiction to separation that we can heal all other addictions. It is only by surrendering to spirit, returning to our true God-selves, and practicing healthy daily spiritual habits that we live truly successful and fulfilling life.